My fairly new Mac just crashed. It was two month beyond the extended warranty when it died. I tried everything to revive it, but it was damaged beyond repair. I took it to the local Mac Genius and had a relatively painless operation done – new hard drive was installed, a bit more memory was added, and the backup system was implemented. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that even backups do not retrieve all your data. (Back up that purchased library from iTunes – it warns you on the iTunes site that you may have to repurchase all your music once again.)  While the computer was down, I also lost the use of my iPod.

Dependency on Electronics

The same day the computer crashed, my cell phone died. This made it quite problematic to investigate getting the computer repaired. Also taking place concurrently, I had been tweeting about a dog that needed a new home and had decided to try to adopt her.  I had emailed the rescue group, alerting them to my interest. They were unable to verify if she was good with cats, and since there was a problem with transportation, too, I was unable to go see her. I am very glad she meanwhile found a home — there will always be domesticates that need good homes — but it did highlight for me how dependent we can become on our various machines. No car, no cell, no iPod, no computer left me feeling isolated and frustrated – how could I be an animal activist without these machines?

It also caused me to consider my motivation for thinking about adopting this lovely girl, Luna, a Lab-Great Dane mix. I do show dogs and cats who are in need of a home on Facebook and Twitter and even on Examiner.com on a monthly basis. I have read all the horrid statistics about how many of these precious beings are killed each year due to the lack of homes. But there is another side to the story, too – the food needed to provide for their lives. With dogs, vegan dog food works for most from what I understand. With cats, it is a bit more difficult. For those that have found vegan alternatives, it is great. But it has kept me from adopting a feline because of this wrenching concern for the animals that a feline might consume. It is one of the dilemmas for which there is no answer yet. It is already impacting the adoption of felines and some vegan sanctuaries no longer accept big cats.

Dependency and Food Sources

There is something very unfair about adopting a domesticate.  They are totally dependent upon us for their very lives – for room to stretch, for walks, for food and water, for attention, for adequate health care.  Because of that dependency, they are emotionally much safer than human to human relationships, where the other person can wound you with words, or walk away.  But there is also no way for us to truly meet their needs, nor them ours. Like us, they do best with their own kind and with freedom to make their own choices. Of course, in today’s world, this is impossible for domesticates, and a good caring home is the best we can offer.

Nath Miles started a forum question over at Animal Rights Zone about the issue of domesticates and sustainability; another is taking place over at Abolitionist Approach. It is an important question and one that plagues many activists.  I have heard of vegans getting food for their cats from animal parts the butcher was going to throw away, from neighbors, from local markets, and from other crafty, creative sources.  Their hope is to limit the need for another animal to die to save the one they have adopted. My guess is that most of our neighborhoods waste more food than these animals could consume; most of us overeat, too.  Many of us are also aware of the carnage that is the pet food industry, where euthanized cats and dogs, roadkill, and grocery waste are fed back into the animal food chain. It seems no matter how you look at it, the animals lose the game.

Acknowledging Dependency, Acknowledging Desire

The ten days without a computer or iPod, six without a car, and a week with no cell phone made me realize that life is precious even when isolated, without work, void of connections. It gave me time to think about dependency – both my own and that of an animal I might adopt.  What would I want from that dog? What could I offer her? What is the most fair and just approach to take towards all of the animals, all of the beings on the earth? It helped me to look at my own desires and really look at why I might want to create a dependency. As a single mom, I experienced plenty of time with others dependent on me; do I want to go there again? Do my desires matter in the grand scheme of things, with so many animals losing their lives? What is fair? I wanted to save a life; but would adopting an animal just result in the deaths of other, unseen animals that would become their food?

The time without the machines on which I depend brought about some changes. I will be backing up any future music purchases on CDs in the future. I will monitor what is on my computer and cull unnecessary items. I vow to weed through my extensive photo collection and limit it to only those I might use someday. I won’t have the iPod stuck in my ear so continuously – it was good to read again, too. I will not be adopting any animals for now but will learn more from other vegans who are taking care of domesticates first, to see what is possible. And I plan to do more face-to-face activism in the new year, as well.

Loss and Learning

For now, there are four boys who will absorb most of my time, who will be with us for the holidays. Like their parents, I have watched them wind through the various stages of dependency towards ever increasing autonomy. It is gratifying to witness children become adults that you not only love, but like and admire. It is a tremendous relief to realize they no longer need you; they even begin surpassing you in abilities. One of my favorite quotes is this: A mother is not someone to lean on, she is someone to making leaning unnecessary.

But for a domesticate, the equation is quite different. They will need us until the day they die, and we had better be in it for the long haul or it is kinder to stay out of the game. I think of the vegans I know who are making a difference for living beings: those who do open rescue, those who have adopted a newborn kitten or a flock of hens, those who take in unwanted and rescued farm animals or develop a primate sanctuary for the scarred and discarded. If we are truly to become non-speciesist, we need to challenge these issues with a sense of justice. All of the beings need to be considered, not just the ones in our laps. I felt the loss of Luna; there was something in her eyes that drew me to her, and I had already imagined her as a part of my life. I had made emotional space for her. But with loss comes learning, and time to reflect. What is fair? What is just?

“Why do you care so much about animals?”

My four year old grandson asked me at the breakfast table: an earnest question, and no time to prepare an answer.

“Because I have come to see them, to know them. They have feelings.”

Unsaid: How could anyone not? Witnessing so much suffering by animals at the hands of human beings over the past few years, it just seems to grow. The respect for other forms of life, those less understandable, just keeps expanding. The traits I have come to appreciate: the beauty of an underwater mollusk, the grace of a deer, the leaping ability of the cat, the loving, friendly quality of the pig, the gentleness of a calf, the amazing abilities of an insect or a fish. There is so much graphic evidence about the mass extinction of animals that anyone who cares even slightly can now witness enough horror to become convinced. How could anyone not?

Ruby Roth, in her children’s book, That’s Why We Don’t Eat Animals, says, “When we treat animals respectfully, we practice world peace.”

Seeing Ourselves As Part of the Natural World

At the root, it is about how I see myself within the context of all other life in the universe. To truly practice peace, we must treat the earth with respect, too. We do what we can, recycling, composting, walking, living simply. We make mistakes, but we try. We do not see the earth as ours to use or dominate, but rather see ourselves as part of the earth, part of nature (no matter how destructive our species has become). Respecting animal life is about peace, absolutely. It is also about recognizing others, in various forms, and their right to life, too. It does not matter their size, whether a tiny bug or a gigantic whale, the life force that exists within each animal is significant.

I remember an argument I had with my father when I was very young. Arguing against my “sensitivity” towards animals, he asked me whether I thought the life of a cat was as important as the life of a human being. “To the cat or to the human?” I retorted.  He made a lot of money out of the blood and sweat of animals as owner of a racing stable of thoroughbreds. Growing up on the racetrack, one witnesses many unfair contracts. Many of those horses run their hearts out all their lives, then get sent off to slaughter when their bodies are no longer able to earn a profit — hardly an equitable exchange. My father’s entire family goes elk hunting every year – I witnessed that at three years of age. The uncles made us little kids stand by the dead animals; I thought it was horrifying. Still do.

Early Experiences with Knowing  Animals

Then there was my grandmother, who used to raise chickens. I heard stories about killing animals, how she used to drown kittens when they became too plentiful, as soon as they were born. I heard that she killed the chickens by wringing their necks. Those stories so horrified me that I was always a little afraid of this fierce slender woman with her charming Danish accent. Yet my own mother was more of a soft heart for animals. We seemed to rescue any number of cats and dogs over the years, and I can recall her becoming overwhelmed with tears when her little dog died. She even said yes to a little dog that was going to be euthanized, even though it fell far, far short of being as cute as my pleading friend promised it was. Those animals gave me someone to love, and they loved me back, at a confusing time I desperately needed someone to acknowledge me. Seems only fair that I would see animals in return, see them as persons, as individuals.

Yet it is only since I have become vegan that I see animals with new eyes. While my respect for all species has increased, so has my understanding of the injustice we human beings have unleashed against them. Why do I care so much about animals? Because we share in this life, together. Because of a yearning for peace, justice, ahimsa, nature, life. Because I have come to know them. Because I respect them. Because I continue to recognize my own speciesism and do my best to eradicate it. Because I want to see life on this planet continue and I want to see natural habitat preserved. And, because it is the right thing to do.

I am a vegan because animals have feelings.

I am an animal and believe I should treat other animals the way I would like to be treated.

I believe I should not do to others what I do not want done to me.

I do not want to be trapped, hunted, imprisoned, slaughtered, tortured, disrespected, shot, skinned alive or eaten.

Becoming vegan has meant:

• meeting a world of intelligent people
• creating an international community of compassion
• lowering my cholesterol 100 points, while eating anything I want
• lowering the cost of groceries
• having better relationships with the animals around me
• opening my eyes to things I would have missed
• enjoying food for the first time
• loving to cook for the first time
• blogging
• new friends
• fighting for justice
• discovering animal sanctuaries
• renewed respect for the natural world
• awareness of what we are doing to ourselves, to the planet
• grief, because of what I know
• solace, because of what I can do

If anyone is interested about becoming vegan, there are lots of resources out there to help you. I am one of them; write to me.  Join with all of us vegans on this important day. Save the animals, save the planet, save other humans.